Who do you think you are fooling Mr. Bin Laden?

Unpublished opinion column, 1/1/2003 on Labor's Coast Guard

"Who do you think you are fooling Mr. Bin Laden …We are the boys who will stop your little game"

Do you recognise the ditty? Yes it’s the theme song of Labor’s third way, volunteer coast guard as they patrol Australia’s 37,000 kilometre coast line against terrorists, refugees and drug smugglers.

By day, Arthur is a mild mannered bank manager, but by night he becomes the head of a feared national unit charged with the national security equivalent of neighbourhood watch.

Mr. Jones, a local butcher, regularly patrols the northern coast of Western Australia with his tinny. He trains his binoculars on the horizon in between casts of the prawn net.